you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
