last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
