I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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