your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
