The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
