We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
