he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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