Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
