so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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