Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
