so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
