if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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