Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize