yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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