If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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