this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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