Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
