If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
