It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
