I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
