is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
