i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I am one with the molecules
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I came so hard my ears popped.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
