gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
