there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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