Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
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