Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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