Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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