so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
