Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
