My underwear smells like fireworks.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
