Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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