I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
