you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Randomize
