I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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