I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
