You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
