I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I just got carded by a ten year old.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
