tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
