you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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