I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
