First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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