You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize