I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
