I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
