I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
