Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
