Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
We have started to decorate penises.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
