i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
