fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
