A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
