I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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