How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
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I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
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I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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