There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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