my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
