Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
