My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
