I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
