return my video game
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
