Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
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