real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
