it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
