Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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