so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
She's the barista slut.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
