grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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