so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Brb crying the tears of my youth
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
