Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
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I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
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The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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