She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I will pee on everything he values.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
