Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I'm passing your future prison.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
