I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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