the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize
