Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
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