That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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