if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize